Angry

I regret it. I always do.
Watch an awesome movie. Get caught up in the fantasy.
Look up the actor. Find out he's some old gay guy.
Way to ruin a great impression of Nightcrawler in X2.

Ugh, it makes me so mad. I debated and debated.
Finally went for it.
After all, Nightcrawler is the coolest. <3
Man, I could eat a shoe right now.

Goodnight.

The air smells line Pinesol

Good evening. Man, first night in awhile that I've been able to get online. I had a term paper due yesterday, which I finally got finished. After my AP Euro test this morning, any amount of studying seems small! ^^

We just got a digital converter box hooked up. My parents also ended cable. No biggy; I don't watch much tv anyways. I'm just a little disappointed we don't have Discovery anymore.
On the upside, I've discovered NPR (on the radio, for those who are more visually-inclined). I have it on fairly often. It's great to take in information like that while doing algebra.

Mm, I'm tired. Tomorrow's not going to be a fun morning. Saturday's even worse. My mom, sister, and I are going to the church where I take piano lessons and cleaning for 3 hours. Then my mom's hosting a jewelry party (like a Pampered Chef party). Bianca, Brigitte, and Nicolette are coming, hopefully! Gosh, I hope you guys can. I miss you. :[ Anyways, then at 3:30 I'm leaving with my school's a cappella choir down south for about 6 hours to sing at a church down there Sunday morning. We're housing with some of the congregation members. Six hours is awhile... hope boredom doesn't set in. You can't really write much in a bumpy bus.

The Europe trip I'm taking with my class is coming up quickly. Next weekend! It's crazy. I got a camera for the trip; just trying to get my hands on a memory card and batteries.

A random point of interest...

Wait, just kidding. Too tired to say anything interesting.
G'night. :p

Patience

So I've been a bit addicted to youtube lately. Found a great new jpop band (Japanese Pop, for those out of the look. ;] just kidding, of course) called Perfume.

Got my permit last week... went on my first (legal) driving lesson! On the open road for the first time. ^^ Nearly went into the wrong lane and the curves where pretty jerky at first, but I'm getting better. Woohoo! :]

On another note...
Every day is a constant battle between following God or the world. It's heart-gripping. The world holds so many allures... so many desires. I'm not talking anything sexual, but just the simple things... "I wish I could be like her" "Why don't I act like that?" "How come I don't look like that?" It's times like that I just want to scream out and sit in silence with only the silk called God enveloping me. It's then that I know everything's fine, and the outside melts away. Who cares what I look like? God is the mirror of the heart.

Valentine's Day has gotten me thinking. By the way, happy v-day. ^^ But really. Through one of my teachers at school, I've learned some incredible things about love. I'll try to share it, but it's not easy to explain. My heart has retreated from my sleeve at long last and life has so much more purpose. Crazy, I know! Yet it's true. Things will still be a battle as far as guys go, but purpose is starting to emerge. True love waits. I'm not talking just about abstinence here. It's suddenly all become so clear... true love waits. True love says "I will wait in silence for you, with eyes open and observing, but my heart is none but yours." Wow, this is turning into a diary. >.> But anyways, it simplifies matters of love tenfold. Girls, let me tell you right now... devote yourself to God and only God, and everything else follows suit. It's amazing. Be patient.

Patience. What a beautiful word.

"Spring Fling"

Ugh, what a retarded night.
Spent all day doing chores. Got ready to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance.
Worst. Dance. EVER.
The music was from an ipod! (What, too cheap to get a DJ?) No one was encouraged to dance, so things took awhile to catch on.
There was only one teacher chaperoning, and it was... weird.
Things were also awkward, for reasons undisclosed.
DRAMA. Dude, where do highschoolers come up with all this stuff? It's like... their lives. Dx Wake up, please! There's more to life than what happened at so-and-so's house 50 million years ago!
Ugh, night wasted. I should have saved my money and stayed home. Could have finished my term paper due on Monday (stupid thing).
Going to bed. What a wasted night. A million... billion things better I could have done.

A day in the life of a dream

So I've been wanting to make a blog entry lately, only I'm not sure what about.

Let's see... I've been reading Inkheart by Cornelia Funke. The movie looks pretty good, but I want to finish the book first! The book is well-written. It's refreshing after a lot of empty books with no real... thickness about them. Inkheart is pleasantly thought-provoking.

Last night, as a family, we finished reading Watership Down. My dad read the entire thing aloud to us. A really good book, but I suspect it might get a bit boring reading it on your own. Still, a work of genius.

So I have a 12-page paper due on Monday. I have about 2 and a half done. That's the downfall of reading... get sucked in, and nothing (NOTHING) will get done! I've been reading all, all, all day... barely any homework done, no piano practice, no movement... just sitting and reading, and enjoying every minute of it.

I've been kind of obsessed with dreams lately. And, subsequently, an obsession with telling only a select few their contents (and even then, never the whole story). Dreams are incredible... you're a genius when you're asleep. I've had some particularly vivid ones lately, the kind you wish existed, wished so incredibly much... it's painful, returning to reality. Returning to a reality without mermaids, flying, dolls that come to life, and tiny fairy princes. Those are my dreams. And how positively amazing they are!

On a more realistic update... got my permit today! Six months and I'll be driving all on own ;] My mom's a little ticked because when I get a job over the summer, she'll be driving me there and back, etc. Kind of a sticky situation there.

Going to Europe in one month!

What is love?

I've been debating whether to write this here or not, but I figure it can't hurt anything.

It's just some basic thoughts on love modified from my diary (yes, I DO keep a diary!) that I think anyone who is single or dating should remember. Now, I've never been in love, so I can really only echo back what I've been told and what I feel to be right.
Here it goes!

What is love? It is a choice. A conscious decision, not an uncontrollable feeling. It comes from knowing someone's heart inside and out, yet still dying to spend time with them. The person you marry should not be someone you're JUST passionate about. Anyone can be passionate. Anyone can get someone stuck in their head for weeks. It's when you know all the failures of a person and accept them, and the same the other way around, that you know there's something special.
The person you marry should be someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. There won't always be a fiery romance as you age together! Your spouse should be your best friend.
Although not impossible to do without, a relationship's certainly easier when you share the same opinions. Even further, favorite activities.
The person you marry must have love for you bigger than your mistakes.
Find a spouse who will love you completely. Fully. Purely. Beautifully.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

Three-day Weekend! :D

Ugh, I have a cough again. Dx I've had the darn thing since November. Constantly. I was just getting better, but now it's gaining force again. And I audition for the play on Thursday!! I have to keep this cough down!

Lots of drama (not just empty omg-drama, but the serious stuff) last night and this morning. Whoo-boy. Three separate events happening at once... it's crazy.

I can't talk long... some relating drama stuff going on this morning. See you. :]

The Teen Years

False maturity.
Mistakes.
No mistakes.
Regret.
Thoughtlessness.
Hope.
Aspiring.
Downtrodden.
Too many friends.
Not enough true ones.
Need the truth.
Don't tell me.
Thinking.
Mindless.
Waiting.

Teenage life is crazy. I'm beginning to think teenagers have an innate sense of hiding their speech behind empty code. Or is that just me? Here's some seemingly meaningless Christmas-themed jargon. Good luck interpreting!

'Twas less than a week before Christmas. "I'll check my emails!" the teen said, hoping for the one special letter from Santa, the one promising the latest information and secret gossip. The teen was disappointed until, later that day, Santa followed through as promised.

Dear Teen,
Got your request. Here's the news: The elves are all busy, but that's just the usual. So-and-so likes Cup-o-joe, but you already knew that. Not much to tell except for I'm getting constant emails from you. Shall I be annoyed?
Yours, Santa.
p.s. Be careful with your speech.

The teen read with caution, thinking it all through and heeding Santa's words. Yet, just as the teen always had done, the teen sped out another email requesting more information, adding a special "Merry Christmas" at the end. Feeling rather immature, the teen sat and waiting all day for the next update.

---

Yes, being a teen and writing in code is idiotic, immature, pointless, and wastes everyones' time. I apologize. They're just so much fun to write, even if it's impossibly difficult or impossibly easy to understand. Don't think too hard. :]

Misunderstandings

A misunderstanding never fully explained leaves much to be explored. They're one of the many oddities of this life, next to lost thoughts and unheard sounds. It's similar to the question: "How many numbers are between 1 and 2?" The answer, obviously, is infinity, for the decimal points would continue on forever (1.9, 1.99...).

So a misunderstanding occurs between two people, and the details, however seemingly obvious, are vastly intricate. One person is trained to believe one way, the other influenced the opposite. Or perhaps they believe the same thing, yet do not realize it? Then there are the blends creating a gradient of ideas, thoughts, and feelings.

Still following? May perhaps be continued. Perhaps not. And look at that... a beginning of a misunderstanding.

Dark Matter

Good morning!

Well, it's finally happened... internet on my laptop is gone. A bummer, really. But I'm hoping for a router for Christmas.

So I've been researching up a storm for my semester term paper in English. I've decided to do it on black matter and black holes. In my internet surfing, I found an online magazine, with several articles on black matter. The articles themselves were plain enough, but then I got down to the comments.
The first comment was from a woman who exclaimed how when she heard about dark matter, it was as if she knew all along. She says it is God himself, not some invisible matter that can be explained through reasoning.

Now, I personally don't believe that. That's the same sort of thing as when the early astronomers thought the heavenly spheres circled around perfectly, as if held directly in God's hand. We know now that it is gravity that keeps things in orbit, not the direct hand of God. (There are many more vague philosophical ideas that could be explored, but I won't get into those.)

So what do you think? Any thoughts or comments?

Just a wee little update...

Hello!
So I'm currently at a family friends' house. Finally got the internet connection organized...

So homecoming week was awesome. Homecoming dance was bittersweet. It really stinks when the one you like dances with three other people and gives you about... three glances.

Um, not much to share. I'm tired. I got up an hour late (6 instead of 5 am), so I was almost late to homeroom. I finished most of my homework; only an analysis of the English Bill of Rights left (fun fun fun).

There's not much else to share. Have a good week, everyone. :]

Mistakes.

Hello.
I am rather blue today. I hate sin, the way it overtakes you. I sinned today, like I have many days. It sickens me. I want to throw up. God, please forgive me, even though I don't deserve it. Aggh, please keep me from sin, Jesus.

Create in me a clean heart, O God
And renew a right spirit within me!
Cast me not away from your presence, O Lord!
Take not your Holy Spirit from me!
Restore unto me the joy of my salvation...
And renew a right spirit within me.

Spirit (Homecoming) Week hath begun!

Rawr. It's already 11 pm. Can't type long...

Well, it's spirit week at school. Here are the theme days:
Monday: Crazy Day
Tuesday: Senior Citizen Day
Wednesday: Old School Day
Thursday: Night on the Nile (Homecoming theme day)
Friday: School Spirit Day

I'm psyched! Today was crazy day... Talk about fantabulous outfits. Maybe (doubtful) I'll post a few. I wore a hot pink plaid full suit and completely mod killer heels. Jeez, it was fun!

Well, I'll try to update more later... Goodnight.

Things are looking up a bit

Mm, it's about 9:30 at night. I should probably go to bed... School's been so crazy lately. I was falling asleep on the couch downstairs. But then I had a wicked desire to check a few websites.
So here I am!

Things are going okay. Life's been a little turbulent lately, but things are starting to even out, I think. Some of my friends are going through a lot over things, so it's been very... taxing. Not to mention the homework ;;

Um, I'm actually at a bit of a loss for words, actually. Normally at this time of night, I'm chipper and even hyper. Bah, melancholy. I get it from my dad's side. All these weird little emotional quirks. As if being a teenager and female weren't enough!

I'm going to California on Friday. My Aunt Katie is having her first baby. A boy. The shower's on Saturday! It was a little awkward at Babies 'R' Us. I was really the only one of the group I was with (mom, grandma, little sister) who at least looks the right age. I really played up the I'm-just-a-kid part so no one would think I was the lucky mommy... ;;

I used to be a member of Gaia Online, an anime-based website where you can create your own little person, dress him or her up, play games, and socialize. I recently went back to my old account to check in on an old friend. See, when I was on Gaia, I was at the who-the-heck-am-I preteen stage. "Fell in love" with some guy who supposedly "loved" me back. I also said hi to him... the old friend told me this guy is totally backwards. Unfortunately, it's true. As it turns out, I've learned the reason he "broke up" (though we weren't technically dating) with me was because one, he had met someone new, and two, he knew he could never get me to do anything innappropriate over the internet. Boy, God certainly played a role in protecting me and my heart from that. But anyways I dropped him an email anyways. Maybe this is an opportunity God has given me to reach out.

I suppose I should go now. It's 9:45... I have to be up by 5 am. Oh, what fun being a student is!

'Til the chocolate chips,
Jessie